The Press Launch on Tuesday 27th February

Above are some snaps from the press launch...obviously; you wouldn't set up a cricket pitch in Trafalgar square and not invite a few people to watch. There were genuinely loads of people with cameras gathered so I think a big thank you has to go to our PR team Captive minds for getting me on London tonight (although you see me for about half a second). I didn't get to field or bat in this match but most people don't know that. I will be now telling everyone I smashed a 6 into Nelson's Column. It's like when somebody asked if I was playing cricket on the very top of Mount Everest; of course that's impossible and the girl who asked was obviously a little bit intellectually selective (that's a PC way of saying thick). I told her we were not doing this but in retrospect I should have said 'yes', because it sounds cooler and as a moron she wouldn't know that I was massively equivocating.

The PR was really useful, however, I'm now going to rant about PR and advertising. A lot of my friends work in this field and although it has its uses I really resent the whole industry. This fire of hatred has been reignited in me after a discussion with my friend Be about blogs. He loves advertising and always bangs on about the importance of blogs in the modern world. When I asked what he thought about mine he said it wasn't niche enough. I'm writing about playing cricket on Everest: seems pretty bloody specific to me. He meant that I digress and talk about different topics too much therefore it will never get a lot of people subscribing to it, which I would love to contest but then again I'm talking about PR and advertising in a cricket blog: I have been caught with my hand in the metaphorical cookie jar.

It's this criticism of his that irks me about the media industry. Why can't I write a blog about what I want and digress and talk nonsense about social situations and things I notice? Apparently because it's not what people want to read and will not get me anywhere. That is exactly what is wrong with the world of the media, and this is a word which I think encapsulates it in one, manipulative. It's a world that is concerned with how everything you do, whether it's a blog, the way you dress or the angle at which you scratch your right buttock, can help project an image to others. I'm obviously aware that as a stand up comedian it appears that pandering to other people is something which I'm paid to do. I, however, say stuff that I think is funny and hopefully other people do, which means I have fun and enjoy myself. Therefore, why do people always worry about every minute detail in their life and how it will reflect upon them? Instead, do something because it's enjoyable and don't worry whether you have catchy angle. This may not be profound but I'm just sick to death of listening to people talk phony nonsense about unimportant crap using buzz words such as, 'niche', 'demographic', 'social trend' and phrases like, 'an idea I fully believe in'.

Now just to clarify I'm not a hippie or anything like that but if I want to digress and talk about pointless stuff, so what? It's enjoyable and is for my own pleasure not to appease some random bloke called Marcus, who dresses trendy and is totally in touch with the new socio-economic trends of 2009.

rant over.

Comedy Night update and Being a bit rubbish at batting

So on an events based update, I can confidently say the comedy night should be a success. I have about 6 comedians lined up to participate on March 9th including Jack Whitehall and Russell Howard off the television. How exciting?! There will also be other top notch mirth makers on, however, the general public are very fickle and only really get attracted by people from the little black box in their living rooms.

My cricket ability seems to have taken a nose dive on the batting front, whilst my bowling has improved. At Lords on Saturday I got 3 wickets and couldn't resist bellowing 'f- you' when I bowled out BJ. I obviously have a swearing disease as there were children in the adjacent net. It turns out one of them is 13 year old in one of my PE classes, which is hardly ideal as he probably noticed that somebody who is meant to be teaching him to be good at sport is clearly inept at cricket. On a slight digression, one kid in a class yesterday made me chuckle when he said to his classmate in a haughty manner, 'my sister can climb a lamppost...and she's only 8.' The things children boast about now really have changed. I'm pretty sure when I was 13 I was telling people that I had a table tennis table in my garden and left my sister's climbing skills well out of the equation.

I was also chatting to Wes as we were leaving the nets and he used a profanity on two occasions quite loudly next to some young children. I ironically enough told him to watch his potty mouth as it sets a bad example to the younger generation: how the tables have turned Mr Wesley? Put that in your dirty mouth and chew on it!

I had a minor scare on Sunday when I popped in to visit the woman who released me into the world: my mother. It turns out she has suffered from altitude sickness and so had my sister, to the extent that when my sis was supposed to go up this mountain in Asia she couldn't go all the way up. Fiddlesticks! If altitude sickness is hereditary I'm almost certainly screwed. Having said that, my Dad is fine with that sort of thing so hopefully my sister inherited the rubbish altitude genes and I will have my Dad's. I hope that doesn't mean I end up with my Dad's low metabolism in later life, I unlike him, do not want to be of a size where a standard issue set of scales does not in fact go up to my weight.

We will only know when we are up there if I can handle the altitude...watch this hopeful space

We only have 4 friends

It is called the Ramsey Theory, thought up by some geezer called Frank Ramsey who was initially trying to solve something mathematical. So Mr Ramsey would probably not be a big fan of the Facebook.

Google Frank Ramsey

Going back in time to October 8th 2008- The launch party

Apologies to those of you confused the temporal yoyoing of this blog but I was very loose at updating it till a couple of months ago. Last time I went back into the more distant past was for the launch pub crawl at the end of May. Between then and the launch party my Everest based antics were put on the back burner as I was trying to be funny in Edinburgh, doing very little fitness and consuming excessive amounts of yeast and hops. This blog really should be called the fitness and boozing blog. It seems that almost every entry consists of these two elements, which may be tedious to most readers, however, It is quite simply the truth. I could lie and say that I did some sponsored midget juggling but alas this has yet to come into fruition; if anyone has the phone number for a juggling school and at least 3 tiny people then please do get in touch.

Back to the official launch party, which happened almost exactly 3 months ago. It involved drinking but unsurprisingly no fitness, there was not even any obligatory one armed press up competitions (this normally happens when teams of men get near each other in civilised social situations). I say it was civilised because it was a dress up event in the brilliantly posh South Kensington venue called The Collection, although, it's important to note that there were also computer games there. Those of you who could not make it will be pleased to know that it was8 schnitzels for a bottle of beer, which whether you're in an economic crisis or not is still utterly extortionate. Me and my pals managed to go for the very student-based option of down as many drinks as possible before the the free bar runs out. This worked and although there were only 200 people instead of 400 in attendance, it was a success.

The initial target of 400 people attending seemed realistic at first, however, at 30 banjos a ticket you can see why it's a bit of a stretch for most people. It also turns out that we have far less good friends than we think. Some of us on the expedition share friends but not only that, some girl once told me that there is a theory that someone clever has written where human beings only have 4 good friends. Admittedly, I need to research that more with some more details such as...a name of...a person before you can take that as factually accurate or noteworthy. Watch this space.

Money was raised and people had fun. That's the point of a launch party so there can't be too many complaints aside from the heart warming thought that each and every one of us may or may not have less than 5 real friends. Bye.

Festive Thoughts

It's now officially the time of year where no one does anything apart from eat and argue with their families. The week before New Year's Eve is a temporal no man's land and I'm in the middle of it. It can't be all bad because now I can write more blogs.


I thought I would make this a general catch up about what's happened in the last couple of weeks rather than going back to June 2008. Although, it is this time of year when people reflect on the year just gone and generally say, 'It's been a rubbish year, let's hope next year is better'. This is either because British people are always negative and cynical or every year is in fact pants. Someone you know always dies and something global and crap happens, this year it was the credit crunch. My prediction for next year is that a great great great Uncle will die of old age and a global herpes epidemic will have hit Britain.

Fitness has undoubtedly declined slightly as I have been eating ridiculous amounts of tuck and imbibing grog everyday for the last week, which has taken a toll on me especially as I have reduced my alcohol intake over the last few weeks. Although, as many of my pals who have real jobs have time off at the moment, we have played a few games of 5-aside football courtesy of the sports hall I have free access to.

As a team we have chosen to change one of the charities from Sport Relief to The Lord Taverners, who are a cricket charity aimed at helping disabled children feel more integrated in society with their sporting programmes. It may not be such a Hollywood charity as Sport Relief but they have been much more keen on our project and want to work with us. I know charities have many things to organise and sort but if you are not going to get behind a project like this then that seems, in my humble opinion, to be foolish. Anyway on a positive note I'm about a 3rd of the way to my personal fundraising target and let's hope the project keeps building momentum.

Kirt and Curry are currently in Nepal sorting out some logistical stuff, so my thoughts are with them: That makes them sound dead, they aren't. Just to clarify they are alive and well and are probably drinking Nepalese beer whilst having women of the night push their services upon them.


in a bit

Swearing

If you look back to my first post on 27/06/08, I state that I was told off for swearing. I have been retold off for swearing on this blog. It now must stop. If you're a fan of swearing you should find another blog that can give you what you want.

yours politely...

Grim Bruv

Just to cut out the suspense, I did in fact complete the 8 mile off road run. I did in in 1hr 15, which is quite respectable because I was placed 600 odd. Obviously that means nothing unless you know the amount of entrants. I think there were 2000 odd not 601; it is definitely important to know how many people are in each competition. I remember I once came 7th in an event, which on paper seems better than 600th, however, for the former race I was in fact in an 8 person contest. It is necessary to know these things unless of course you come first because that is always good (outside of the bedroom). Runner-up is generally pretty respectable unless you believe the mantra of the No Fear t-shirts: '2nd place is first loser'. On the other hand if you own a No Fear item let alone believe the slogan you are either a complete helmet or a dad who thinks he's cool. Just for the record you are not cool.

The Grim Challenge was surprisingly enjoyable. The waist high puddles we had to run through were especially enticing when we arrived because the rock hard ice on the surface had to be broken pre-race. This means that the water was scientifically freezing, I'm not just exaggerating for the purposes of your entertainment. I was reticent before the start to say the least as I was half asleep and running in mud and ice for 8 miles seemed like a pretty awful way to start the Sabbath.

I actually never felt aerobically exhausted during the race, which is a good sign for the expedition. I was also nattering to my mate Jimmy who I bumped into on the start line. I was dressed in a www.Everesttest.com t-shirt and leggings, which did nothing to help my shamefully miniature twiglets for legs whilst Jimmy was in a Mexican wrestling mask and a pink thong. I looked quite overdressed and sensible compared to the Ray Mysterio look-a-like. We overtook people who were blowing out of their proverbial arses whilst we casually had a really pleasant catch up.

A fun day had by one and all. Afterwards at pub lunch we had a really good chat about people who over use the 'reply to all' button on emails. To me it's very obvious that if someone emails a group of people saying "let me know if you can do this" you let HIM or HER know by emailing just HIM or HER. There is no need to email everyone else invited. I mean if you're officially invited to a wedding, do you find out everyone else on the guest list, photocopy your reply 50 times and post it all the other invitees?? No. Case closed.